A FOUR LETTER WORD

Feelings. What are emotions? And how do I control them?
Webster defines emotions as a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one's circumstances, mood, or relationships with others. Many of my clients (and friends!) would say that emotions are awful, bad  or at least they feel unpleasant. While that may be true, emotions are crucial, and a natural part of the human experience. While we may not like emotions or certain ones, they are not bad. Can I you control them? No. Many people might beg to differ, saying that yes they can control their emotions. For those who answer that way, visualize the following for me. You're sitting in a room and I come over to you and stomp on your foot with my stiletto heel.

Can you control what you would feel, what instructively results from this experience? No- you cannot control how you will feel. What you do have control over is how you react.
This is a hard concept for some to grasp, especially when we don't like what we are experiencing. We try to shift out of the state of feeling that we are in, usually suppressing what we are experiencing. When we minimize what we are feeling, we are not being true, nor honoring ourselves.  If we don't allow those feelings to come out and be seen, they cannot be processed correctly. Also, when we minimize that experience, we simply give more power to the feeling and it grows in intensity. Too often many people shy away from feelings, being afraid of experiencing them, or being afraid of the thoughts around the feelings. It can be incredibly painful, difficult and perhaps even frightening, especially in those times when we don't feel like we can control them - in those times when it seems like they are controlling us.

If I can't control my feelings, does that mean I have to feel this way forever? Also, no. Luckily, we can work on skills that help us regulate our feelings. When we learn to regulate ourselves, we can then manage the intensity over our emotions and regain our power. We gain control of our emotions, when we practice regulating our emotions.
So how do you practice this? It usually isn’t just one single thing, rather a combination of different things. By paying attention to our breathing and slowing that down- we can start to help our body operate at a calmer pace. Once our body feels calm, our mind can begin to utilize other skills, like journaling, talking, asking for what we need in order to regulate our emotions. 

If you need help regulating your emotions, reach out. Get connected to what can help!